Terrified...

Today is Jay's birthday. Ok yesterday, since I see it's after midnight. My beautiful first born turned 11. I still remember every moment giving birth to him. And why shouldn't I? He's the only one I gave birth to without the aid of painkillers. LOL I miss the days of watching him learn to walk and talk. And here he is an 11 year old with a smart mouth and thinks he knows more about life than I do.

Next Monday, I will drop him off at school at 6am and will not see him until Wednesday after 4pm. Why? Because the 5th grade classes at his school are going on an extended field trip. They're going to Hendersonville, NC to a camp. A science camp that will be filled with LOTS of educational experiences. I know he'll enjoy himself and learn a lot, science is his favorite subject.

I'm having a hard time with just the thought of him going. It's cost a pretty penny, yet Jimmy worked extra to make sure this happened. I've been away from Jay before. Once before he was even two, he was away for an entire week in Georgia with my mother. Yet I was able to call him every night and tell him I love him. (I do that even when he spends the night out, otherwise I can't sleep.) I was away from him when he went camping with his boy scouts troop a couple of years ago. Yet, my wonderful sister-in-law went with him since Jimmy had to work and I was pregnant with Pheobe and Audrey. Both times were different. With the first, I was able to talk to him anytime I wanted. With the second, I knew he was in good hands.

This time, I don't really know the adults he'll be with. Yes the 5th grade teachers are going, as well as several parents as chaperones. But I can't call him to make sure he's safe. I can only pray we've taught him what's appropriate and inappropriate and will do what must be done if needed. I will be a complete basket case while he's gone. Praying for the best and hoping he has a great time doing what he loves the best...science stuff. Yet worrying that something horribly will go wrong. I can't help it. I've already lost two children. I don't know that I could be strong enough to have something happen to another child.

Please, my friends, help me be strong next week while he's gone.