Sunday, July 16, 2006

Doing the right thing.

There's this little boy, about 4 years old, that Justin plays with. His name is Kobe, his mom is black, his grandmother is white. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that both women are the types that make excuses for the child. This is what I'm talking about. Yesterday morning, Justin and Kobe were outside playing. A resident here had this small trailer he uses to carry a motorcycle. It's a wooden trailer and the kids around here seem to like playing on it. We've told Justin over and over to NOT play on other people's property. However, yesterday, he and his friend Kobe decided to play on this trailer. The trailer managed to roll down the small hill and strike another person's vehicle, denting it and cracking it where it had already been repaired. When the owner of the vehicle found out about it, he knocked on our door. He was very nice about it, didn't bitch and yell and demand retribution. He just calmly told us what his neighbor had witnessed. (His neighbor had ran outside to stop the boys, but they took off running.) He said, "I know they're just kids. But playing on the trailer can get them hurt." Well I got Jimmy and we both went out there to talk to him. Because Jimmy works on cars...and "it's the right thing to do" Jimmy offered to fix the damage. Yeah the guy's car was banged up just about all over. BUT...our son damaged his vehicle, it's our responsibility to fix that damage. The guy told Jimmy it was okay and he didn't have to do that. But Jimmy insisted, saying, "No, he's my son, I'm responsible for him until he turns 18. When he does something like this, it reflects on me." the guy kept saying, "I just appreciate that you're out here talking to me about it and not making excuses for your son." Apparently when the guy went to talk to Kobe's mom, she started making excuses. We made Justin apologize to the guy. And he's grounded. All his tiny allowance he gets will go towards this guy's damage.

So while we're out there talking to this guy, Kobe's mom and grandma finally walk up. Jimmy and Travis (the guy) are off to one side talking. Kobe's mom walks up to me and the first thing out of her mouth is, "The damn trailer shouldn't have been there in the first place." (It was parked by a tree in the yard. Well, yeah I agree, the trailer should have been parked in a parking spot. However, that doesn't change the fact that our children played on it and managed to roll it into someone else's vehicle. The grandmother asked why he didn't just call it in to his insurance company. Then says, "Because he probably doesn't have f-ing insurance!" That totally caught me off guard because she didn't strike me as the type of person that would try to place the blame on someone else. So while I'm standing there with Kobe's "parents" the whole time they're bitching and trying to blame it on someone else. They said, "Well what is he asking for?" I said, "He isn't asking for ANYTHING. My husband offered to fix it himself since he works on cars. And you can pay for half the materials." Yeah right. That'll never happen. If they're not willing to lay the blame where it belongs...on our children...then they're not willing to help pay for the damage. As I was walking away from these people, Kobe asks if Justin can come out to play. I looked at him, then his mother and grandmother and said, "No. Justin cannot come out and play. He is being punished for what the two of you did. My children get punished when they do something wrong."

Today, sure enough Kobe comes knocking on my door asking if Justin could come out to play. I shook my head in disbelief and said, No, Kobe, he cannot play with you. He is grounded because of the damage YOU and he did to someone else's vehicle. When MY kids do something bad, they get punished. They're not outside the next day playing. He cannot play with you." Jimmy doesn't want Justin playing with Kobe anymore anyway. Justin has recently been singing some damn rap song that he could NOT have heard here at home. And it's not a good song either. So Jimmy thinks he got it from Kobe's house with Kobe's wannabe thug of a mother. So Justin is NOT allowed to go to Kobe's house anymore. If they want to play together, it will be here at MY apartment or at the playground where I can see them.

Seriously though, what are we teaching our children if we make excuses for them or continuously blame others for things they've done wrong? Yes, I agree the trailer shouldn't have been in the grass. Or it should have been locked to the tree it was near (as it is now.) BUT, my son, who knows better, was playing on it. It rolled, hit another vehicle. My son is responsible for that. I'm not going to sit here and blame others or make excuses. That won't teach him anything. I want him to learn there are consequences for his actions. And I hope with him being confined to his room for a week and giving up his measly allowance for a long time, he'll learn that. I don't know what else to do since I don't spank...often. I think him being confined to his room doing nothing will leave more of a memory than a one time spanking.

That's my rant of the day. LOL


Theresa said...

I totally agree with you! It can be hard to deal with confrontations with other people when our children do something wrong. The initial instinct for me is to want to run and hide but I do like you and bring my child to call for it. They did something wrong and need to realize there is an action that goes along with that. They need to be responsible for what they have done in some way. I think you made a great choice with having him put his money towards the repairs. It is taking something important to him away - more than just no cartoons or video games. Well done girl friend! T~~~

Sunnie (Kaytee) said...

Thank you, T. It's been pissing me off since that this girl was making excuses for her child. While the child is a very sweet one, I think he's gonna end up in juvie before he's a teenager. And that's sad.

April said...

Kudos to you for teaching your child that there are consequences for misbehavior.

I agree with you. Too many parents are coddling their children and shielding them from their mistakes. Society won't be so kind when they are grown up.


Sunnie (Kaytee) said...

Thank you, April. It bugs me to no end when one of my children gets caught doing something with another child and the other child's parents just shrug it off. Jimmy and I always tell them they have a rude awakening when they grow up because mommy and daddy won't always be there to clean up their messes.

Sonia said...

YOU'RE being a responsible parent. She sounds like one of those "oh no not my kid" types. yuck.

Sunnie (Kaytee) said...

Sonia, from what I've seen she is that type of parent.