Trick or Treat

I didn't even think to take pictures of the kids this year. Damn me! Jay wore the same costume as last year, a zombie. Justin was a ninja, minus the head tie. Korinne was Belle. Though I see her at least once a week in that costume. Jackson didn't have a costume. He stayed home with Jimmy while Jimmy passed out candy.

This year, Jimmy didn't dress up in his Monk costume, yet Korinne convinced me to dress in my tavern wench costume.

We walked through the complex trying to guess who was "selling" candy, as my boys were saying. My kids were polite and said 'Thank you' every time they were given candy.

When we returned home, I carefully studied each piece of candy and separated the candies I knew they wouldn't eat with ones they would. The ones I knew they wouldn't eat, was then distributed to other trick or treaters. LOL We now have a Walmart size bag 3/4 full of candy, and heavier than Jackson. I swear! LOL That candy will last them quite a while since it's hidden and will be doled out.

All in all, it was a good night. My kids and I had fun. And their fun is what matters.

Horror movies

I love them. I freely admit them. There hasn't been a single horror movie to date that I've seen that's scared me. Ok wait, I take that back. The first Nightmare on Elm Street scared the bejeesus out of me. However, I was 10 years old, it was after midnight and my mother woke me up to watch it with her, threatening to ground me if I fell sleep.

Anyway, tonight we watched An American Haunting. It was such a good movie! I made Jimmy watch it with me. He's not into horror movies but every once in a while, I can convince him to watch with me. Towards the end of the movie, we paused it for a potty break. As I was walking down the hall, I heard a crash. I turn around and see Jimmy's drinking flying. I ran back into the living room and he's on the floor. He says he was stepping over the gate and all of a sudden he fell. He swears that his foot cleared the gate and he doesn't understand how he fell.

Anyway, the movie really was good. I plan on buying it soon. I hope to convince Jimmy to go see Saw 3 with me as soon as we can afford it and I can get a sitter lined up. LOL

Friggen Red Ribbon Week!

It's been Red Ribbon week at the boys' school this week. Learning drugs are bad, m'kay. Well now Justin is terrified that he and his sister and brothers are going to be taken away from us. Here's how the conversation went. He says, "You and Daddy do drugs." I said, "Justin we do not do drugs." He said, "Uh Huh 'cause you smoke cigarettes." I said, "Justin if you go around telling people we do drugs, they're going to take you away from us. We smoke cigarettes, we do not do drugs." He got upset and started crying. That's when he said he told his PE teacher that we do drugs. I said, "Well did you tell her it was cigarettes?" He said he couldn't remember. So this morning, I called his teacher, left a message and emailed her telling her that because of Red Ribbon week and them teaching him tobacco is a drug (which I'm sure it is) that my son is now paranoid that he's going to be taken away from me. While tobacco may be a drug, it sure as hell isn't heroin or something like that. I'm sure half those teachers at the school teaching tobacco is a drug smoke themselves!

WOOHOO! Finally!

Finally after weeks of trying to add Jackson to Jimmy's insurance at work, he's added. Thank GOD! Now that's one less thing to worry about. I already learned his allergist/asthma doctor takes that insurance. So now I just have to call the other specialists and find out. I already know his pediatrician takes it cause he was on the provider list.

The small things that make my day! I even went to his Jimmy's account and made sure and sure enough it shows Jackson as a dependent finally.

Strange dream

Yesterday afternoon, I had the strangest dream during my nap. I was at some blogger get together. Jimmy and the kids were there. It seemed to be breaking up. Jimmy was talking to someone about what else? Cars. LOL So I load up our cooler and stuff into the stroller to take to the van. As Justin and I are walking a man comes up to me to introduce himself. "Hello, my name is Finnigan Cross." He had a lovely irish accent and was quite breathtaking. I introduced myself and offered my hand to shake. Instead he brought my hand to his lips for a soft kiss. I quickly became uncomfortable. He starts saying, "I see your personality in your blog, yet you're more reserved in person. What is the real you?" Confused, I say, "I'm who I am on my blog and in person." As we're talking, I'm still heading to the van, with Justin beside me. We're passing a picnic bench when he grabs me by the waist and pulls me to sit beside him, too close for comfort. I inch away from him and say, "It was nice meeting you, but I've got to put this stuff up and gather my family." I go to stand and he pulls me down again. I stand again, grabbed Justin's hand and start pushing the stroller again.

Here's where it gets stranger. As we're walking away again, with him following, we pass this animal crate that has a small mountain lion (or something like that) a chimpanzee, and a couple other zoo animals. I guess trying to be suave, Finnigan Cross says, "Wait here, I will get the mountain lion (it was an infant) and your son can pet it." I pause for a moment and watch him try to extract this animal from the cage. However, as he's lifting the animal, the cage falls apart and the chimp jumps on his head. I start laughing and Justin and I leave him there to play with the animals. On the way to the car, I pass Janet. Yes the Janet I met at the blognic. I'm muttering under my breath about persistent men when she says, "Let me guess. you met Finnigan Cross." When I said yes, she says, "He shows up every once in a while trying to persuade some woman to run off with him." I said, "Well it sure won't be this woman."

Then I woke up. Now I'm completely curious about this dream. I've never met a Finnigan, or even a Cross. Hell the only person I've met with an Irish accent is the receptionist at Jackson's plastic surgeon's office. LOL I also don't know why I was dreaming about a blog get together and only talked to Janet. LOL

It was certainly a strange dream and Jimmy thought so as well when I told him. Now the Cross part may be because I just bought one of Nora Roberts' new book and it's called Morrigan's Cross. So who knows. LOL

Cute photos...

Tonight, Jackson was having a blast playing with his Daddy. To the point of exhaustion. But he was too afraid to fall asleep, I gues for fear he'd miss something. I was online playing a game on AOL when it all of a sudden got quiet. I look over and this is what I see.

I've captioned it as "I'm not tired. I'm just gonna rest my head a min...."

Every once in a while...

a new song will come along that can bring you to tears or even to your knees. As all of you who regularly read this blog, you know all about my twins. And how depressing and hurt I was by it. I'm moving on. I really am. I think of them every day, but my loss no longer consumes me. Yet every once in awhile, a new song will come onto the radio. As someone who LOVES to sing and ALWAYS pay attention to the lyrics, this song has both brought me to my knees and made me cry. It's Falls Apart, by Hurt. The lyrics are here. I tried posting a link to where you can actually hear the song, but it's not working.

To continue previous post in a way...

I'd made arrangements to have my friend come over at 10am to watch my kids so I could go to work to help Jimmy prep a vehicle to paint. I watch Lori's oldest after school every day for about an hour and a half. The reason Lori was adamant about watching my kids this weekend was because last weekend she was in a bind and needed me to wath her infant on Sunday, knowing that Sundays are our family days and we do nothing with other people on those days.

Well Lori didn't get here until just before 12. So I took her car and left mine with her...just in case...mine will fit her, her baby and my 4 kids. Hers wouldn't. So I get to Jimmy's work and get put to work sanding. Now I know NOTHING about repairing vehicles, so sanding is perfect for me. I sanded off and on this '85 bronco to help Jimmy. By the time I left at 6pm, he was finishing up taping it so it could be ready to paint in the morning.

From there I stopped by the liquor store because I desperatly wanted Goldschlager. I put gas in her car cause it was almost on E. Then went home. My kids were good for her, btw. When I followed her to her car as she was leaving, she opened the passenger door, grabbed a plastic up and poured the contents out on the road. She looked at me and said, "How did you manage to drive all over with my cup of mountain dew 3/4 full?" I said I didn't even know it was there. LOL She said she remembered it just after I'd left. I said, "So were you thinking I'd get here and your floor would be covered with soda?" She said if it had been her driving, it would have been. So I felt really good about my driving skills after that.

Before I went home, I noticed her gas gage was just about on E. So I stoppefd and put gas in her car taking it from almost empty to 3/4 full. When she noticed that she tried to pay me but I refused. I can afford to fill up my tank. She's always worried about food and gas for her two since her husband that she's seperated from refuses to help her. So why shouldn't I use her to babysite then pay her for it. I watch her daughter every day after school and the ONLY reason I get paid is because she's too proud to take advantage of our friendship. Her daughter is here for an hour and a half and is no bother at all and even helps me with Jackson when I need it. Her daughter is 12.

Anywho....this is a glimpse of my life lately. Enjoy. LOL

Horrible sister moment...

Ok back in April I borrowed my brother-in-law's truck to pick up Korinne's bed and mattress. While doing so, I managed to pull out (turning left) and hit an Explorer. Everyone close to me found that extremely odd since I'm one of those that will check 50 million times before pulling out Yet this Explorer totally came out of no where. Turned out the truck I borowed, didn't even belong to my brother-in-law. It belonged to his parents. Well my Jimmy, who works on cars told my BIL not to file a claim on it because he would fix it himself.

Since then, My Jimmy has tried to get the truck to him to fix. There was always one reason or another why it couldn't be brought. My BIL kept saying don't worry about it and even wrecked it again on the same side. Then the truck was "sold" to someone else. My Jimmy made himself available for a month to fix the truck, yet no one ever showed up. (I say "My Jimmy" because my sister also married Jimmy.) Turned out the person who "bought" the truck never paid for it so my sister's in-laws took it back.

The other night when My Jimmy snapped at me and bit my head off was because my sister had called and said her MIL wanted to know when it would be convenient for My Jimmy to fix the truck. Now all it needs is for the fender to be pulled out and a light replaced.

So this morning my sister calls and says, "Jimmy wants to know when he can bring the truck to your Jimmy." Something inside me totally snapped and I went off on my sister. I informed her that My Jimmy had tried to get it fixed several times and no one would bring him the truck. Then I said her MIL would just have to wait because My Jimmy has other obligations that supercede that truck. She said she had to call her Jimmy anfd tell him it would be at least a few weeks.

So I called her back ten minutes later to ask if her Jimmy was mad. He wasn't. Because he knows how busy my Jimmy is, and remembers how many times my Jimmy called him to try to get the truck to fix. Shannon said it wasn't Jimmy that was pushing it, it was his mom. I said, "Well your MIL can just kiss my ass. Jimmy tried several times to fix it and was told 'Oh it's no big deal' then when the truck was supposedly sold he was told 'Don't worry about it anymore, the guy can deal with it.' and now your MIL is pushing it?! She can just wait her turn." Yes I KNOW I damaged her truck. But we tried to fix it in the very beginning. Now Jimmy has other obligations and she's just going to have to wait her turn.

Of course I immediately felt bad for laying it all on my sister and apologized immediately. I made sure to tell her that I didn't want Her Jimmy mad at me. I have to see Her Jimmy, I don't have to see his parents, so I could care less whether they're mad at me. Well after I told Jimmy all of this, he waqnts my sister's MIL to call him herself and they make their own arrangements. It's not fair for my sister to be pulled in the middle of this. When I borrowed the truck, I was under the impression that it belonged to my BIL, NOT his parents. It was only when I was getting the registration and proof of insurance that I learned otherwise. His parents have insurance on it, yet it's kept at my sister's house. They do NOT want to push this very far. Coming from someone who was an automobile insurance agent, I know they (his parents) can get into A LOT of trouble for insuring a vehicle and allowing it to be kept at a different address. And I would totally turn them in.

This time when I brought up the truck to Jimmy he didn't bite my head off. So you can all be rest assured my head is still attached to my body. LOL

Total Blonde Moment!

You know, the one where blondes are complete airheads? Well that is so me.

I got up this morning, nothing unusual, started cleaning and vacuuming so Jackson could come out of his cage and walk around more. (His cage is this 6 sided playpen some of you saw at the blognic. I have it arranged around the living room so he's confined there.) Well Jimmy calls just after 9 and asks me to bring him breakfast. Sure, I say. On the way there, I remembered Jackson had an appointment at the WIC office with the dietician, at 9am. So I'm thinking, "Oh shit, I completely forgot!"

So when we get back home, I double check my calendar and yes his appointment was on a Thursday. So I call the WIC office and leave a message. She calls me back completely understanding then gently informs me that his appointment had been LAST Thursday! WHAT??!! How the hell did I lose a week?! So I'm even more mortified. She assures me it's not a big deal and we reschedule his appointment. That one is now on 26th at 9...so someone please remind me. LOL

Ok so after I hang up with her, it dawns on me that I should double check my calendar and to my horror I realize he had an appointment scheduled for this past Monday with the allergist. UGH! I called the allergist and explained what happened. She assured me it was not a problem and we would just reschedule his appointment. Though we held off on that until I get confirmation that Jackson is covered through Jimmy's insurance. (The allergist DOES take that particular insurance, so that's a relief.)

Seriously...I know I'm blonde, but I've never had such a blonde moment. Man I'm such an airhead! How could I totally space out like that. I've never missed a single appointment since I had Jay almost 11 years. And I miss TWO within a week of each other. Jimmy's gonna get a kick out of this. Not sure how long til I can live it down. LOL

The Color of my Brain...

I nabbed this from Eugene. It looked fun, so I tried it out.

It wouldn't let me publish the code because it said "Your HTML cannot be accepted: Closing tag has no matching opening tag: < / a >." I have no idea what that means or how to even fix it. So, the result of the color of my brain is, it's blue. Here's what it said about me.

• At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation.
• With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener.
• With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings.

I have to be honest, that seems to really fit me.

Crossroads

I think we're at somewhat of a crossroad here. There's been so much drama going on at Jimmy's job that he's seriously thinking of moving us. To where? No idea. He's under a lot of stress and I've known it. But tonight he actually snapped at me. That's rare. When he gets this bad, I get anxious. I start walking on eggshells. Not because I feel he's going to hurt me or the children. Not at all. More because I want him to be happy. I don't want him to be stressed so much. That's when I start feeling if I had a job, we wouldn't have to worry as much. If I didn't spend so much a month for high speed internet, we could pay another bill. All these ifs start niggling inside my head. It makes me feel insecure.

The truth is, I make sure our bills are paid, so there's no worry (really) about that. I make sure there's plenty of food in the house for all of us. There are moments of panic when the kids need something and we don't have the extra money. (See my good find post.) But it all works out in the end.

We're still having insurance issues with Jackson. We haven't heard anything as to whether he's covered or not. The only appointment he has this week is with the dietician at the WIC office. But next week, if I don't know anything, I have to cancel more appointments. To reapply for medicaid for him, I'd have to jump through hoops just to prove he's a US citizen. Apparently a South Carolina birth certificate doesn't cut it. Don't even get me started on that one!

On a positive note, there's been no more confrontations at the bus stop. The two children in question ignore me and I them, unless of course, they try to cut in line, which NO ONE has tried since the incident.

As far as the moving, we've actually been talking about moving for the past few years. It's always been to Tennessee, somewhere just outside of Nashville. But it's always been just talk. Right now, I don't want to move away from MUSC, not with everything Jackson is going through. Though I did admit to Jimmy that his appointments at MUSC have gotten further and further apart and if needed, I would commute and stay with family. However now, we're even talking about different states. Neither one of us wants to move to the north...it's too friggen cold! LOL Yet I don't want to move west unless it's to Oregon. It's too hot in Texas and Arizona. And no way will I ever live in California, unless it's northern California, which just defeats the purpose of not moving north. I jokingly said last night, "You know if we're going to move, why not just go all out and move to England or something?" I think he was actually considering it!

So after he snapped at me tonight, I quietly left the room and waited until the kids finished their baths before taking mine. When I went back in to the living room Jimmy said something to me. I said, "Excuse me, what was that?" He repeated it and I said, "I'm sorry I can't hear you since my ears are attached to the head you snapped off back there." I thought it was funny. LOL I just need some support here. I don't know what else to do. I know he's stressed about his job, how he's going to support us, finishing his obligations on side jobs. One of which that set him off tonight was the truck I borrowed from my brother-in-law and had an accident in. Just minor damage but Jimmy didn't want them to turn it into the insurance company, said he would fix it himself. The truck was then sold and Jimmy was told not to worry about fixing it. However, tonight my sister called and said the truck was taken back because the guy never paid for it. (The truck was actually owned by my sister's in-laws.) And her MIL just wanted to know if Jimmy could fix it when it was convenient for him. She wasn't bitching or saying it needed to be done now. She knows how busy Jimmy is, so she was basically just putting the truck on the waiting list. That's when Jimmy snapped at me before I could say anything other than Shannons' MIL wanted to know if the truck could be fixed at his convenience. I think they're being incredibly reasonable about this. Hell the accident was back in April! But I understand how stretched Jimmy feels he's being pulled right now. I just don't know how to help him.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

As most of you know, this is something I am very passionate about. Not only because I lost my girls 2 years ago, but also because I suffered a miscarriage 8 years ago. I'm sure most of you know someone who has suffered a miscarriage or loss of an infant besides me. Please take a moment to say a prayer for those parents who are still hurting no matter how much time has passed. Thank you. The above picture is one a friend made for me as an email signature.

Chicken Marsala

Jimmy and I decided to try out Carrabbas awhile back. I ordered the chicken marsala which was so delicious! Well I have a website in my faves that has top secret recipes...basically a collection of recipes from different restaurants and whatnot. I was pleased to come across the recipe for Carrabba's chicken marsala. Since then I've searched all over looking for marsala wine. I haven't been able to find it.

Well today after grocery shopping, I realized I'd forgotten vegetable oil. So I dashed to Food Lion for the oil and a bottle of vinegar. I'm crouched down perusing the vinegar trying to find regular vinegar through a shelf full of apple cider vinegar. As I'm just about sitting on my knees, I see a bottle of marsala wine. ACK! I almost squealed out loud I was so excited! So, OF COURSE I bought a bottle. LOL And I totally plan on making chicken marsala very soon. I love trying new recipes. I only hope mine turns out half as good as Carrabba's. LOL

I totally choked

Yup I choked. We loaded the kids and headed to the mall. I had every intention of trying out. We walk through the mall to where Vanna White and crew are. I turn the corner and see a large crowd gathered. That's when it hit me. No way could I get myself up there in front of all those people! I literally choked and almost burst in to tears. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I almost broke out in a run trying to get away from there. Jimmy said there's always tomorrow or next week. Or some other time. But all I knew was there was no way I was getting on that stage in front of people. I'm such a coward. LOL

So instead we went to Target and bought a birthday present for the party we were going to later. One of Jimmy's co-workers was having a birthday party for his 2 year old, who was absolutely adorable! And his wife was such a nice woman. They had a jump castle. So the kids had a great time. Justin wasn't feeling well and I learned he had a fever. I got some children's tylenol from Jimmy's co-worker and Justin sat away from everyone else. He's now passed out on the couch where he's been since we got home at 4. I should have known something was wrong when he voluntarily went to bed at 7:30 last night.

Wheel of Fortune

As most of you locals know, the Wheel of Fortune crew will be here this weekend and next weekend. Jimmy really, really, REALLY wants me to go. He says, "I don't know anyone else who can solve the puzzle with 3 or 4 letters showing. We used to have the Wheel of Fortune game, but I hated playing it. It really is no fun winning all the time. So I gave it away to the Homework Club.

Anyway, so I have Jimmy here nagging me to go try out. And I'm sure I'd be good enough to at least get on the show, where I would most likely choke because I don't like being the center of attention. Ok my love for puzzles would most likely take over and I'd be fine. But my problem is, I'm too embarrassed by how I look. Those that met me at the blognic, need no explanation, though I love you all for accepting me as I am. But there's no way I'm going on national television. So how do I gently tell Jimmy that he's talking out his ass and there's no way I'm going anywhere near either mall while the crew is here? LOL

Latest bus stop news

So this morning I'm standing at the bus stop with a parent the parent that's always there but missed Monday. I'll call her Lady A. This time though another mother (Lady B) showed up, the mother of two girls I've made go to the back of the line several times before. After the bus left, the three of us stood around talking when Lady B said her daughter told her I was pushing her around. (I assume that her daughter went home after I was confronted Monday in hopes her mother would confront me as well.) She wasn't accusing, or cussing or anything. Before I could say anything, Lady A jumps in and says, "She's never touched any of the children." Lady B said, "Well I know my daughters so I figured I needed to come down myself and see what's really going on." I totally appreciated that. And told her so. I also told her that the only time I've delt with her daughters when when they would cut in line and I'd tell them they needed to move to the back. Lady B said "That makes sense. I knew there was more to this story." Lady A told Lady B about the two women on Monday. Lady B was outraged that two grown women would automatically assume that another parent had pushed their child without finding out what was really going on. She was even more outraged that the two women came to the bus stop and "made an ass of theirselves." Lady B said, "That's just bad parenting there and when their kids are grown and bad they'll have no one to blame but theirselves." I walked home all happy because THAT is what I expect parents to do, come talk to me.

On a side note, the two maintenance workers that know about the incident both asked me today when they saw me if there have been any more problems. On the way to the mailboxes today just before the bus came, one of them pulled up beside me and said, "If there are any more incidents, come get me." And he told me where his apartment is...which isn't far from the bus stop.

I feel totally justified, as well I should since I've done nothing wrong.

Pest control...

Since Jackson came home from the hospital I've refused to have pest control spray here. We've had no problems until our neighbors recently moved. However the problem with roaches hasn't come from our kitchen but from my computer desk.

It's been unnerving and disgusting. Pest control is scheduled to come this week and despite Jackson's allergies, I will finally allow them to spray. I'd rather NOT deal with disgusting bugs. Jackson has meds to handle any allergies.

? I'm just disgusted that I keep my appartment clean, almost to an obsession, yet I still have to deal with disgusting bugs! It makes me feel dirty, when I know I'm not.

Bus Stop Ordeal

This morning, I loaded up Jackson in his stroller, as usual. But with trepidation. I was terrified that those same two women would be there to confront me again. I do NOT like confrontation. I avoid it in any way.

However this morning as I approached the bus stop, I was aware that the two women were not there. Instead there were two other parents who know me and had heard about the incident and both were irate over it. Both came to me and said they were behind me in any way, since both KNEW I had NEVER touched any other child but my own.

That made me feel empowered. So I took the chance and mentioned the incident to the main maintenance worker who applauded me and said had it been him, it would have ended with him going to jail. He convinced me to tell the apartment office about it in case something else happened. That way if something else did happen there was already a record of Monday morning.

Jimmy went to work telling his co-workers that he has NEVER seen or heard of me backing down from a fight. And while that's true, the only reason I did was because my own children were present and I'm trying to teach them better.

My decision for now...

I've said before that I don't like confrontation. I choose to live in my own little world. Wrong, I'm sure. But after thinking on this all day, I've decided for now I won't drive Jay and Justin to school every morning. If I do that, those women will feel they've intimidated me and won. Instead I will go to the bus stop every morning as usual. I will continue to prevent the bigger kids from cutting in line and trampling over Justin. If those women feel the need to confront me again, as soon as I see them coming, I will make two calls. One to Jimmy to join me, the other to the police. If their children continue to cut in line and trample over Justin, I will call the school and complain as well as the office to the complex we live in. They want to bring violence into it, I'll go the legal route and bring the police into it. My father-in-law is a retired officer and I'm sure he still has friends on the force. They can threaten me all they want. The first time they lay a hand on me, I'm pressing charges. I hate to be that kind of person, but if I back down and take my children to school each morning, what is that teaching them? To back down and allow themselves to be intimidated. We're trying to teach them to stand up for themselves. How can we teach them that if I back down?

What the hell is wrong with people??!!

It's been a lovely morning. @@ It started out normal. I got up at 6 instead of 6:30 because Jackson was awake. I got the boys up for school. They dressed, ate and brushed their teeth. I put Jackson in his stroller and we walk to the bus stop, like we do every school morning. I'm standing behind the stroller playing with Justin when this woman gets in my face cussing me up and down. She pointed to two children and said, "That is my son. That is my daughter. If you ever lay a hand on either of them again, I'm going to kick your f-ing ass." I said, "Ma'am, I have never touched your children." And I haven't. The children in question are two that I'm constantly telling to go to the back of the line because they're cutting in front of the children that had already been standing in line. Usually Justin ends up getting pushed around when they do this. I've never even touched their shoulder or anything. IAs this first woman is running her mouth, I say, "Maybe you should come to the bus stop with your children." She said, "You worry about your own children." I said, "I do worry about mine. And I worry about all these other children that could get hit by a car playing in the street." She walks away, still cussing. Yes in front of a bus load of children. When she lives a lot of the kids go up to the boy and say, "Man you're a liar. She's never touched you."

So I'm standing there trying to pretend I'm fine. I go back to playing with Justin when another woman comes up to me and starts cussing me up and down about the same two children. I tell her the same thing, "I've never touched your child." At this point several children go up to her and tell her that the boy is lying, that I've never laid a hand on either of her children. The second woman was way taller than me...bout Heather's height but waaaaaaaay bigger in girth. She finally walks away still cussing. One of the other parents came up to me afterwards and said, "I'm up here every morning just like you and I've never seen you touch any child other than your own." I'm one of 4 parents that go to the bus stop. So the bus comes, the kids load up and I'm standing there waving to Justin, like I do every morning. When I turn around to leave, I see out of the corner of my eye the two women standing on their balcony. So i noted the apartment number and went home.

By the time I got home, I was shaking so bad I almost started crying. I walk in and tell Jimmy, "I'm taking the boys to school in the mornings from now on." Then I told him what happened. He grabbed his cell phone and called his boss to say he'd be late. I called the police to file a report.

An officer shows up and I tell him what happened. I said, "I'm 31 years old. I thought this stuff ended in high school." The officer said he would go talk to the other women, if they were home. In the morning he said either he or another officer would be at the bus stop to show other parents that this type of behaviour is serious and unacceptable.

It was nice that several of the children stood up for me. I just don't know what's wrong with people. I see those two children outside all the time getting in to trouble. And I hate to say this, but I bet they end up in juvie before too long. I must be naive or something, but I've always thought it was better to have a civil conversatin with a parent if there's a problem.

I sure hope my day gets better. LOL

October and awareness

Yes I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. But what about other awarenesses? No one remembers that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Yes I know breast cancer is wide known. But people lose infants and miscarry just as much as women die from breast cancer. This is something I wish was more known by others. I can't do it alone. I need help.

Last month, not even a month ago, House Resolution #222 was passed in the House of Representatives supporting the goals and ideals of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Check it out here.

I've suffered both a miscarriage and loss of infants. It's something that a lot of people don't want to talk about. I am very open with my experiences. I don't mind sharing about my miscarriage or losing my twins. It helps me heal. I apologize to anyone that feels uncomfortable when I bring them up. But they're who I am as well as my living children.

Yes it hurts. Yes, I still grieve. But I feel a warmth talking about them.

So help me spread the news about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. I will be sporting ribbons on Lucy Blue soon that reflect Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. Here is where you can find other ribbons representing Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Thank you to all who check out these websites.

Great find!

It's not every day I find a great pair of jeans at a great price! Let me backtrack here.

With the weather changing so fast this weekend, I was concerned about the boys going to school in shorts. I'd planned on going on a shopping spree soon to buy uniform pants. But with the weather dropping, I needed to buy them pants NOW. I knew there was no way we could swing it financially this weekend. So off to the Goodwill we went. The first one we went to I was able to find 4 pair for Jay...in great condition. Spent 13 bucks there on 4 pairs of pants and 5 books. The next Goodwill we went to, I was able to find 4 pair for Justin in great shape. As he was trying them on, I decided to browse the women's' jeans since they were right there by the dressing room.

I admit, since giving birth to 6 babies, I'm no longer the size 3 I was. So it's easier finding my new size. The problem is finding my new size that will fit me length wise. I grabbed two pair of jeans and threw them in the buggy. When I got home, I learned one pair was too small, even though it was my size. The other pair....AWESOME! They're NY & Co jeans. The length is perfect! It's so hard to find petite jeans that fit perfect. They fit so great, I love them! I paid less than 5 bucks for them! My mission is to find more. LOL They move with me. I don't feel uncomfortable when sitting like some jeans make me feel. They're tight, but not too tight. And according to Jimmy, my ass looks great in them. LOL

Update on insurance issues

For those that have been following my dilemma, hopefully, we've avoided a catastrophe.

Jimmy was finally able to corner his boss Friday,. He said, "Look my wife has not talked to me in two days because of this insurance thing." His boss said, "You should have called me on my personal phone or cornered me and said it was important." His boss knew it was bad when Jimmy said I avoided him, etc.

So his boss, Jim, had the receptionist, Alicia, take care of everything. She was to call the insurance company to verify that pre-existing conditions were covered like we were told in March. So far they are, thank goodness. As far as as adding us to Jimmy's insurance, I can't be added until March when his policy renews, which is fine with me. The three older ones can't be added until December when their medicaid expires. But with Jackson, he can be added immediately as long as I had a letter stating when he was dropped form medicaid, which I had.

So I sent that in with Jimmy. Alicia faxed it to the home office and we should know something by Monday. After I know he has medical coverage, I will call his doctors and see if they accept Cigna. If not, I'll find other doctors, or request they start accepting Cigna. Wish me luck on that!

Random Jackson pics..

Just lounging with my sis. What a great day of playing! My 'do after a bath Hangin'with my friend Ethan. Oh Mommy, I fell and Daddy just wants to take pics! Waaaaaah!!!!!

Panic Attack Avoided...

Somewhat. LOL I did cry all morning. I finally was able to reach our case worker and she apologized and said that sometime in between when she and I talked in August and now, medicaid has changed the rules. No more can they just add the infants to the siblings schedule. They have to renew. They're wanting everyone to provide proof of citizenship. While I understand all that, it would have been nice to get some type of warning rather than getting a letter on the day it expired.

I cancelled all of Jackson's appointments for this week. I did ask how much they'd have cost, etc. For me to show up, sit in the waiting room for about 15 minutes, get called back, sit in a room for 10 minutes waiting for the doc, him coming in looking at Jackson's head and asking me what the neurosurgeon said before leaving, would have cost me $108. The RSV shot he was supposed to get on Wednesday, about $2k. OUCH!

So I spent all morning crying. Jimmy told his boss he needed to add us to his insurance. His boss said no problem. But before we do that, we plan on talking to a representative to make sure all of Jackson's pre-existing conditions are covered. When they had a meeting back in March with the rep, I happened to be there and asked him about pre-existing conditions. He said the plan Jimmy's work has, doesn't have any pre-existing clauses. So everything going on with Jackson would be covered. I specifically asked that. But we want to make sure that's still the case. I don't know what we'll do if that's changed. No other insurance policy we've found that was somewhat affordable will cover pre-existing conditions. Wish us luck!

On another note, I signed up for myspace not too long ago. I've been having a blast playing around with it. If you wanna check it out and have a myspace account, my info is www.myspace.com/sunniefaerie

I've been able to connect with people who've experienced TTTS and Craniosynostosis, as well as connect with a few old friends. It's really fun!

I think I'm going to have a panic attack...

Seriously. Jackson's medicaid was supposed to be up for renewal in August once he turned 1. I called our caseworker and she assured me that Jackson would be taken off infant's medicaid and placed on children's medicaid along with the three older ones. I asked when their medicaid was up for renewal and was told December. So I assumed since Jackson was being added to the same "group" as the three older that we had at least until November 30th to either renew or have the kids put on Jimmy's insurance through work.

Yesterday I get a letter in the mail stating Jackson's medicaid expires as of October 1st. I couldn't breathe! I felt like my world was collapsing. Jackson has three appointments this week. Tomorrow with the plastic surgeon, Wednesday for his synagis shot to prevent RSV, and Thursday for more allergy testing. I have to call and reschedule the plastic surgeon's appointment because the surgeon will be in surgery at the time Jackson's appointment was originally set. So I get a reprieve for that. But I can't avoid the other two.

I plan on calling the caseworker first thing in the morning to find out what happened. Jimmy is going to have the kids added to his insurance, like I've been bugging him to for a month. Then I have to call and find out how much the synagis shot and allergy tests are going to cost. I have no idea how we'll pay for that. I have very few jewelry pieces to pawn. Jimmy could get a loan from work. But with all the appointments Jackson requires, we'll be in debt very very soon. And we just got caught up with everything!

I'm not looking for pity. We chose to have all these children. We choose to have me stay home rather than work outside the home. But Jimmy does work hard. The only reason the kids are on medicaid this year was because when their renewal came up we were short paystubs since Jimmy switched jobs and was out of work so much when Jackson was born and was in the hospital.

This has been bothering me all day. I've held it in all day because when Jimmy got home last night and I showed him the letter he said, "There's nothing we can do about it right now so let's just enjoy our weekend." Easy for him to say. I'm the one that stresses over everything.

As far as Jay's progress reports, I learned why he may be failing Social Studies. Recently Jay switched homerooms. The teacher he started with ended up having more resource students so they move at a slower pace. All the homeroom teachers teach social studies to their class. They switch classes for Language Arts, Math and Science. When Jay was in his first homeroom they moved slowly. When he switched, that class was ahead of the other class. So in the transition he lost a chapter or two in Social Studies. That may, and I stress MAY explain the F in Social Studies. Hopefully when we have the parent/teacher conference, I'll learn more.

I've wanted to talk about all Jackson's appointments all day today with Jimmy but I didn't want to ruin his day off. So I've held it all in and tried my best to make it seem like nothing was wrong. The worst part? I had my one and only fleeting moment of resentment towards Jackson. I was outside hunting Justin down and thinking if Jackson weren't here, I wouldn't be stressing about how to pay these medical bills. What kind of awful parent thinks that??!! I'm a terrible parent. I do NOT want Jackson gone. I cannot imagine my life without him and don't want to. I've been feeling guilty all day for that one fleeting thought. As soon as I got back home, I just held him and wanted to cry.

So here I am, pouring my heart out on my blog. I figure I better let it out somewhere before I really do have a nervous breakdown.