Crossroads

I think we're at somewhat of a crossroad here. There's been so much drama going on at Jimmy's job that he's seriously thinking of moving us. To where? No idea. He's under a lot of stress and I've known it. But tonight he actually snapped at me. That's rare. When he gets this bad, I get anxious. I start walking on eggshells. Not because I feel he's going to hurt me or the children. Not at all. More because I want him to be happy. I don't want him to be stressed so much. That's when I start feeling if I had a job, we wouldn't have to worry as much. If I didn't spend so much a month for high speed internet, we could pay another bill. All these ifs start niggling inside my head. It makes me feel insecure.

The truth is, I make sure our bills are paid, so there's no worry (really) about that. I make sure there's plenty of food in the house for all of us. There are moments of panic when the kids need something and we don't have the extra money. (See my good find post.) But it all works out in the end.

We're still having insurance issues with Jackson. We haven't heard anything as to whether he's covered or not. The only appointment he has this week is with the dietician at the WIC office. But next week, if I don't know anything, I have to cancel more appointments. To reapply for medicaid for him, I'd have to jump through hoops just to prove he's a US citizen. Apparently a South Carolina birth certificate doesn't cut it. Don't even get me started on that one!

On a positive note, there's been no more confrontations at the bus stop. The two children in question ignore me and I them, unless of course, they try to cut in line, which NO ONE has tried since the incident.

As far as the moving, we've actually been talking about moving for the past few years. It's always been to Tennessee, somewhere just outside of Nashville. But it's always been just talk. Right now, I don't want to move away from MUSC, not with everything Jackson is going through. Though I did admit to Jimmy that his appointments at MUSC have gotten further and further apart and if needed, I would commute and stay with family. However now, we're even talking about different states. Neither one of us wants to move to the north...it's too friggen cold! LOL Yet I don't want to move west unless it's to Oregon. It's too hot in Texas and Arizona. And no way will I ever live in California, unless it's northern California, which just defeats the purpose of not moving north. I jokingly said last night, "You know if we're going to move, why not just go all out and move to England or something?" I think he was actually considering it!

So after he snapped at me tonight, I quietly left the room and waited until the kids finished their baths before taking mine. When I went back in to the living room Jimmy said something to me. I said, "Excuse me, what was that?" He repeated it and I said, "I'm sorry I can't hear you since my ears are attached to the head you snapped off back there." I thought it was funny. LOL I just need some support here. I don't know what else to do. I know he's stressed about his job, how he's going to support us, finishing his obligations on side jobs. One of which that set him off tonight was the truck I borrowed from my brother-in-law and had an accident in. Just minor damage but Jimmy didn't want them to turn it into the insurance company, said he would fix it himself. The truck was then sold and Jimmy was told not to worry about fixing it. However, tonight my sister called and said the truck was taken back because the guy never paid for it. (The truck was actually owned by my sister's in-laws.) And her MIL just wanted to know if Jimmy could fix it when it was convenient for him. She wasn't bitching or saying it needed to be done now. She knows how busy Jimmy is, so she was basically just putting the truck on the waiting list. That's when Jimmy snapped at me before I could say anything other than Shannons' MIL wanted to know if the truck could be fixed at his convenience. I think they're being incredibly reasonable about this. Hell the accident was back in April! But I understand how stretched Jimmy feels he's being pulled right now. I just don't know how to help him.